


Only the Words I Never Said

by galadarius



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Azure Moon Spoilers, Character Death, Drabble, F/M, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Other, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Regret, Tragedy, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galadarius/pseuds/galadarius
Summary: Dimiti isn't able to tell Byleth how much she's always meant to him, until the moment of her death in his arms.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Kudos: 29





	1. Voices of Ghosts

Dimitri had not slept for three days or nights. He had lain awake, remaining eye closed, in the vain hope of reprieve from living on the first night. Now, he wanted only to be away from those who would give him concerned looks and words of sympathy. Things he didn’t deserve. He was only living to fulfill the wishes of his dead family, and after that? The king knew very well what he would do.

He walked down the silent hallways and into a small, silent corner of the monastery that only he appeared to know about. It was very dark and totally isolated. Once one opened the door and began the descent into the long tunnel that extended partway underground and ended in a vast chamber of unknown purpose, no one would hear you even if you cried for help. Dimitri preferred this place, for the empty walls were much more receptive than a living creature to his outbursts of explosive anger- once, he had nearly broken his fist after cracking part of the stone wall- or much more rarely, if he could sink against the accommodating silent stones and dissolve into bitter tears.

_Maybe I’ll remain down here,no matter how little I rest, how little I eat, I never die. Maybe I cannot die. Maybe I’ve already become a ghost._

And although the chambers were soundless, save the distant noises of flowing water, the walls seemed to answer the king. You haven’t died, they told him silently, you aren’t allowed to do that yet. You have to stay here and remember every moment you live of the suffering you’ve caused, of the innocent lives you’ve taken away, never to be replaced. 

“No,” Dimitri said aloud, his voice so hoarse from disuse that he could hardly hear it himself, “Even if I am not a ghost… I will become one, as soon as I’ve taken my revenge… When I’ve killed Edelgard-”

You think you can do that so easily, interrupted the flickering candle that cast a long shadow on the floor, you think that Byleth won’t try to stop you? That his students won’t hold you back with their own hands, that they won’t beg you show mercy to their comrade? And you truly believe that Edelgard, with her endless forces and the gigantic monsters she has at her aid, will fall so easily to a broken man, a shadow, a lifeless husk?

“She will fall to me!” Dimitri’s voice had risen from a whisper to a terrifying roar in an instant, as if the invisible voices had been a person mocking him, goading the anger that swelled in the king’s chest like a plague. His fingers made a tight fist that crashed into the wall, leaving behind dark drops as he withdrew his arm that sang with pain. “I will carve her head from her shoulders after I’ve pierced her heart with my lance! Then I'll crush her skull with my bare hands!

And now the unknown voice was louder than before, rising in contempt. You could never do such a thing. You’re weak, you will be the one who falls to the Emperor. You will be the one who meets a gruesome and fitting end at her hands. It is all you deserve for your crimes.

Again Dimitri’s clenched fist smote the stone, this time dislodging a substantial chunk that landed painfully on his boot and releasing a choking cloud of age-old dust. But instead of screaming another bloodied oath, the king caught his injured hand with a cry. Weakened from the pain, he slumped to his knees, and then to his side as his eyelids fell shut and refused to open. He was unconscious before the sound of panicked footfalls reached his ears.

-

“Dimitri! Your Majesty-”

Byleth stopped to listen, and partly to catch her breath. She had been running down the abandoned tunnel, chest heaving, trying to see more than the darkness. 

Quickly, Byleth reached the king’s creased form, just below the crater his fury had left. Byleth gently turned Dimitri’s shoulders so that she could see his face. The king was alive, but he would not remain so if he continued to neglect his basic needs, Byleth knew. 

She whispered hopefully, “Your Majesty, can you hear me?” but there was no change in the pained frown, no flutter in the shadowed eyelids. Byleth noticed that one of Dimitri’s gloves was ripped, bleeding skin exposed. 

Groaning with the effort, Byleth lifted the great body onto her shoulders, nearly loosing her footing with the weight. Dimitri was much taller than his Professor, and heavier despite his sickly state. Byleth doubted that she could carry him all the way out of this tunnel. Still, she had to try. With her arms behind his knees, Byleth half-carried, half-dragged Dimitri’s unmoving form out of the hidden place, step by slow step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for clarification, I wrote this part a long time ago (long before I or anyone else knew about Abyss) and forgot about it for a while. Instead of posting it as its own fic I thought I'd make it a prequel, a bit of build up to the next part.


	2. Wilted Flower

Even wearing all the armor that was supposed to have kept her safe, Byleth was so small in Dimitri’s arms, as weightless as the blossoms that surrounded them, wilted from the battle that still raged on around the two. 

The front of Byleth’s armor was broken, one dark stain that had soaked into the ground. Half of a spear had pierced the flesh and split the bone. She could not be saved. Dimitri knew that even though he would not admit it, would not let himself think that this was his professor’s last moment, that her final breaths were shuddering out of her broken chest. 

“Why did you go into this battle? You could have stayed behind! You could have stayed at the monastery! Why did you let this happen, Byleth?!”

Byleth could barely hear Dimitri’s shouting, could hardly see more than a blur of blonde and white above her. The pain of her countless injuries and the guidance of her senses were fading into a fog. And as if a sudden gentleness had taken over his violent shouting, Dimitri lifted the back of Byleth’s head until her lips were a few inches from his cheek.

“Why did you let this happen?” Dimitri repeated, and Byleth felt a wet warmth on her brow. It had to be a tear. “You can’t leave me alone again. You said you would always be here, you promised me that and I believed it...”

Byleth had no breath left to speak, but she turned her head a fraction so that her eyes met the one Dimitri had left. Her lips lifted in the slightest smile possible, as if she were trying to assure her beloved student that everything would be okay.

“I can’t keep living without you. I’ve lost my family, I’ve lost Dedue, if I lose you too… Please...”

Dimitri had never realized how true this was until he spoke it aloud. He clutched Byleth’s hand and buried his face in her neck, his vast shoulders shuddering. The warmth and softness of her skin and the fragile pulse of life couldn’t stop now. If it did, then Dimitri knew to his core that he had not once shown gratitude to his professor since their reunion, that he had ignored her and dismissed her when she approached him and insisted that she could do nothing to help him. Even though the king had always known with certainty that if he had opened his heart to her, his kind Professor would have helped him carry any burden he might have tried to bear.

And then, faint as a fading sigh, Byleth whispered against his ear. Dimitri’s sobbing ceased in an instant as he heard them.

“Always be… with you.”

Not once did Dimitri blink as he looked into Byleth’s eyes for the last time. Her face would be forever embedded in his tormenting memories. 

“No… No, Byleth, don’t leave me…”

Underneath his fingers, Dimitri felt the frail beat of life in Byleth’s neck stop, saw her eyes grow dim and sightless. He was as still as she for an eternal moment, only feeling faint trembles of cold and exhaustion. Part of him wanted to gently close her eyes for the last time, but more of him could not understand that his professor was dead, gone, beyond his reach for the rest of eternity. 

“I can’t be alone again. I can’t endure it,” Dimitri moaned, unable to take his eyes off of Byleth’s face, “I’ll follow you into the darkness…”

He lowered her body onto the grass and pressed his cold, haggard forehead to hers, tears sliding from his eyes and nose onto her expressionless face. Grief swallowed the king. He faded from the battlefield into the recess of his mind and the black hole of anguish and loss, and lay crying over Byleth’s body for a time without time.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, based off an idea from someone on twitter. I meant to edit it, but never got around to that and I kind of like it fine the way it is.


End file.
